The spark from the conflict vanished as quickly as a newbie scout trying to light a fire by rubbing sticks; nobody else noticed the incident between Frick and Frack.
However, everyone around Frick and Frack felt the effects of incident, the burn, for a week. The typical lighthearted engagement was gone. Frick and Frack pretended each other were invisible.
You can probably substitute in names for similar situations – triggered often by misunderstandings; the price is high in lost productivity, creativity and even safety risk.
What would you do? It only takes one to change the dynamic.
Frick, a student of Spiral Impact, realized he had a conflict and was consciously allowing it to be destructive. He needed a little time to get centered and clear on what he wanted. It took him a few days.
He knew it takes just one to shift the conflict to be innovative – that’s how Spiral Impact works. One person can change the dynamics.
When Frick was ready — and the appropriate opening appeared, he calmly asked Frack, “For how long shall we not talk?”
Frack reacted back initially, “After what you did?!”
Frick, calmly from center, spiraled again curiously asking, “What was your experience, how did you see the incident?”
They both realized they shared an event, but each of their experiences of what actually happened was very different. Frick, continued to ask more questions and listening without interjecting his viewpoint.
Adding in another principle of Spiral Impact, Frick revisited the team’s intention, “We want to create the best widget and enjoy our team in the process. When we aren’t talking we have no hope of that. Tell me more about what you experienced….”
The resolution wasn’t instantaneous it was a process – like a spiral. The gift in the end was a deeper understanding of each other and the ability to engage better than before. Please add your experience!
Great story Karen. I am dealing with trying to wrap up a large construction project that should have been completed two months ago. Yes construction is difficult in our current climate, hardly any work force, materials supply change issues etc. Just this Saturday I was on site due to the fact that one worker showed up to work, While I was there the project foremen walk in with his wife to show her the building. This Foreman has been a dagger in my side through out the process because I do not feel he gives it his all. With in two minutes of us meeting Saturday we went straight up screaming at each other. He walk away with his wife and continued to show her the building. I felt terrible and knew my approach was not professional and has not improved the out put of these workers. I was talking to the foreman’s wife later on an she explained how she loved the building etc. The foreman walk up and we actual y started a much more calm dialog in regard to what pressure’s have been feeling, I got his perspective of his companies issues and I shared mine, We left the site patting each other on the back and agreeing we can finish the project this week. It felt good
Love this explanation of spiraling through story! Very powerful.
John, Thank you for sharing! I am so glad how you spiraled back in and made a huge difference!
Thank you Helen! Stories are such good teaching tools, aren’t they?