I find a common thing to do is assume the other is intending to do something annoying.
Then be passive-aggressive and feel resentment.
All the while thinking they should know better!
Yes, I catch myself doing this once in a while.
Assuming negative intent almost always gets you going down an unproductive path.
Most often people do what they are conditioned to do.
As masters of conflict our task is to seek understanding of how they are seeing the situation
through acknowledgements and open ended questions.
And, clarify and agree to an intention in the specific circumstances.
If I begin to resent always ‘being the only one who ever’ takes the trash out.
I can take all the options outlined in Spiral Impact on page 38.
The best one is to Spiral Impact by:
“When I came in the other morning trash was overflowing onto the floor in the entry way. It smelled bad.”
“I feel frustrated and notice feeling resentful when the trash is overflowing.”
Opened ended questions:
What is your understanding of how trash is currently handled?
What do you think are good ideas for managing the trash?
Get agreement and share widely.
Of course, doing this while centered is key to success!
If you continue accommodating unwanted behavior it continues to grow.
If expectations are not defined people default to whatever is easiest or most familar for themselves.
What you permit you promote.
Would you like coaching with more specific and complicated circumstances?
Develop Power with Grace.
Asking thoughtful questions is one aspect.
The best questions foster understanding, spark innovation, diffuse negative conflict, and build influence –
Spiral Question poses a question semiweekly, Monday and Wednesday.
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