A banana can’t really hurt you.
A friend offered me a banana recently. She was so intent on me having one I got irritated… I just don’t like bananas!
I responded a little defensively; I was not as gracious as I would have liked. It caused me to reflect about why something so small could cause me to feel defensive.
I believe it may be the same reason someone might react to:
- A bump in a crowd
- An unsolicited request or suggestion
- A change in plans
All of these situations are most likely as harmless as a banana! Yet even a subtle defensive block may take a benign event and create a negative issue.
But why the reaction in the first place? I think the following can come into play, we:
- Need space
- Assume negative intent
- Allow past experiences to influence our present assumptions
When does a banana become a sword? Whenever we choose. Next time, you find yourself even subtly blocking a perceived attack, Spiral —- turn that banana into a smoothie —- an honorable acknowledgement, example: ‘Ahh…yes and thank you, no’
Thank you, as always, Karen for your great analogies. Banana/sword. Our call. Assuming positive intent always keeps me out of trouble! Have a great day!
In the type of situation you describe, I can also see the possibility that frustration and/or irritability might be associated with feeling like you’re not being heard.
Certainly, the person offering something likely has no nefarious intent, but his/her continued insistence when you’ve already responded “No, thank you” can be like nails of a chalkboard. (“Did you not hear me say ‘No’?!”)
I have a very limited diet and need to refuse food offers all the time. “Oh c’mon, take a bite!! You eat like a bird!” I even had one person shove a piece of chocolate in my face (after I said “No, thank you”)and say loudly “Goddamit – just eat the f—-in’ chocolate!!” This happened even after I explained that I had dietary limits due to health issues. The only way I was able to respond graciously was from tons of experience. 🙂 Thanks.
Debra, I can relate to your experience! I think too it would be interesting if you can very calmly ask “what makes it important to him or her that you eat this?” It is kind of curious! Thanks for your note.