What are the two sides of why?


“Why?” used incorrectly can create resistance and conflict.
Understanding the two sides of ‘why’ is important!

The GOOD “Why?”
Knowing “Why” you are doing something moves you forward, this is good.
Seeking understanding of something nonhuman is good.
For example:
“Why won’t my car start?” or “Why is smoke coming from the basement?”
This provides you with information to problem solve and innovate, this is also good.


Asking someone the reason behind their actions often creates defense/resistance:
Why did you do that?
Why didn’t you tell me?
Why do you believe that?

Better to try:
“Tell me more about your understanding…”
“What do you think we should do now?”
“What do you think cause that?”
“How did you reach your conclusion?”
“Where is the the proof or data?”
“When will you take the next step?”

Also remember, your tone is 95% of the communication!


People will hear and react to nonverbal judgment or accusation
over any words.



Develop Power with Grace. 
Asking thoughtful questions is one aspect.
The best questions foster understanding, spark innovation, diffuse negative conflict, and build influence –
Spiral Question poses a question semiweekly, Monday and Wednesday.
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