Just because you listen, do you really understand?
I listened and heard clearly:
“She is a bully.” I thought she must intentionally hurt people.
I was wrong. When I spiraled and asked, “What is she doing to earn that reputation?” I learned, she is asking people to deliver on commitments.
Image by Robin Higgins from Pixabay
I listened and heard clearly:
“He is crazy.” I thought his behavior must be dangerous to himself or others.
I was wrong again. When I spiraled and asked, “How do you experience him as crazy?” I learned, he is insecure in the relationship and tends to leave when he feels threatened.
I listened and heard clearly:
“People are afraid to tell him what is going on.” I thought he must be reactive and scare them.
I was wrong again. When I spiraled and asked, “What makes them afraid?” I learned people didn’t want to overwhelm an already busy person.
merely listening, my conclusions were based on my own assumptions.Each time I was wrong!
What do you miss when you don’t ask the next question?
Karen, I see the workplace forgetting more and more about giving others “the benefit of the doubt”. We make dangerous assumptions without clarifying meaning. Misunderstandings become increasingly common when one word or one phrase can mean so many different things.
Karen, I love your posts. They are always enlightening. When I don’t ask the next question, I don’t really connect with what the person is saying and ultimately with the person themselves. It is a gift to be understood. Asking questions gives that gift.
Good morning, Karen. Another terrific post, especially since this particular skill — truly compassionate and dedicated listening — can be applied across the board. Dedicated, non-judgmental listening is needed in every interpersonal relationship from board chair to father-child. I am listening to you 🙂 Thank you.
Karen, I agree! Another insightful post. We have a chance to apply every single day in every single relationship. Thanks you!
Hi Cindy, Yes, cwhich is where dialogue and commitment to culture really come in helpful!
Thank you!!
Hi Lauren, Thanks for your comment…and Yes! I believe in our busy-ness we short circuit this often.
As the others said, great post! Always enjoy them. You can say more in a short post than some who take paragraphs to convey a similar thought. Thank you!
You are so kind!
Karen , Great Post ! Enjoying them ! Hope all is well with you .
Thank you for your continued reading Tommy! Hope all is well in your world!